No Worries, Liddat.

Hello real world.
So this is life after the retreat and I feel good. I feel high of God's love. I feel happier then before. I feel thankful for the weekend and for everyone that was there and made it what it was.

For once in my life I feel truly happy, and I mean it. During the retreat, I found myself crying and I realized

"Wait a minute.. This is the first retreat out of the five I've been to where I don't have to worry about anything, really. For the first time, I didn't have to worry about my boyfriend cuz I'm finally on my own again. Now its just me."

With that my eyes were opened wide. This is my time to fully rely on God. This is my time to give my love to Him, the love He deserves. I've realized every time I tried filling myself with things from this world to make me happy, He took it away. He took it away so I could learn how to be alone. Alone with him. When I wanted to get out of my house cuz i felt so empty, I could never find a way out. Personally, I think it was cuz He was waiting for me to run to Him, to depend on Him. Most of all to trust Him.

I had to be empty in order to be filled with His spirit, His love, and His light. Now I'm high, I'm on fire. And honestly I want the world to see how much HE means to me. He helped me realize I wasn't really missing you, I was just missing the closeness, the attention. He reminded me that all I need was Him to be the center of my attention, my life.

Its weird because I rarely cried. I felt good. I had no worries to cry about for once and it just felt GOOD. I mean yeahhh I realized there are things I'm afraid of but all I need to do is trust him. I have to remember I'm never alone with what I'm going through because somewhere out there someone feels the same way. And of course we can never be alone cuz Jesus is always here, even if we may not feel it, even if we may feel empty. It happens but its ok.
I'm sorry if all my thoughts are all over the place, I just don't know how to put every thing in words right now.


And another thing--
"True Happiness: find something you would die for and live for it." -- Anonymous


So true. God is the reason why I'm this happy. He is my true happiness, and I think thats what He wanted me to realize all along. After everything that happened in my past relationship, He just wants me to be stronger. Everything that happens, He puts us through it so that we may grow stonger. We just gotta remember we can alway find true happiness and true love in Him and because of Him.


God is like no other. His love is amazing. With Him, Jesus and the Holy Spirit miracles can happen. Soo much is possible because of Him. Everything everyone has and goes through is a blessing given to us from Him. And I'm talking about every obstacle too, even though thats hard to grasp. We must never forget He is always here to listen, to watch, and to be with us. Letting Him in your life and loving Him can do wonders :)















That is all, mahalo for your time :D
I love you.

Oh And

I got accepted into UH Manoa.
I'm frickin' lucky I swear. You don't no how much doubt I had in getting accepted. I just barely made the requirements for the test scores and the grades. Well I guess it just comes to show I was meant to stay here and learn my lesson about certain things in life the hard way.

If it wasn't for everything that happened in the past 16 months, every thing would be different. Yet, even though things could have been way better, I'm content/pleased. I understand that God knew I was hard headed and everything that happened in the past months was just His way of telling me stop being stubborn and just listen.

Aha, its cool though. I like how things are. I'm thankful for the second chances I've been blessed with. I'm glad I got this chance that I've been hoping for. With all the slacking I've done, I'm way lucky beyond belief.

It can't be explained how thankful I am. Not only for being accepted but for being stronger. For being put through all this crap I've been through. I'm thankful for being hurt and for being used. No matter what happens I'm thankful. I get it, everythings a blessing.

Expect Nothing

I have learned its better to expect nothing than to expect something. If one constantly expects something from anyone, three things can happen.

1) If your let down, you'll be super disappointed

2) You always expect more and more.

3) Nothing will ever reach your expectations anymore.

Yeah, I know there are those people whom you should be able to depend on for certain things but don't expect them to cater to you're every need. You're a big kid, you'll be fine. I'm not saying you can't be dependent on someone but sometimes you gotta carry your own weight. Learn how to deal with things on your own. I mean you can ask for help but at least try, yenno?

Honestly, whatever happens it doesn't matter. I don't expect to be the world's greatest. I don't expect to be liked. I don't expect to be noticed. I don't care if I don't get what I want. Yeah, I dream and I have goals but if I fail, its okay. You can't be strong unless you fail. Failure is inevitable, just suck it up. So is getting hurt. So is being let down. It's part of life. Be humble, no grumble.

I guess I feel like writing this cuz I'm so tired of seeing all these spoiled little kids around me. It makes me wonder how they're gonna grow up to be like. I worry that my younger generation of cousins are gonna turn out messed up. I don't want that. I just wish they would notice the value of everything and one day everything isn't gonna be handed to them. One day they'll expect way tooo much.

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And now off the subject.
Lifeteen Retreat. Its next week.

I'm a little blah about going. I don't know what to expect. Guess you can say I'm not that excited. I miss how lifeteen things used to be. Like how Mailyn's blog said where'd the life in the lifeteen go. Hopefully things will be alright, next weekend. Maybe I need to feel this way. Aha. Not sure but I feel like I have to go and there's no avoiding it.